Teresa Reviews “Million Dollar Bond Robbery” (1991)

Fidelity to text: 4 thieves

An eight-page story needs embellishment. Each addition deepened and enlarged the scope while remaining true to the text.

Quality of movie on its own: 5 thieves

Beautiful fusing of vintage newsreel footage, a locked-room mystery, and some classic misdirection Agatha would have approved of.

Read more of Teresa’s Agatha Christie movie reviews at Peschel Press.

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Wow. We have a winner! But then I do like me some time at sea and this episode, courtesy of very careful filming and use of vintage newsreel footage manages to give the sensation of being onboard the Queen Mary. What a gorgeous ocean liner. She dates back to the days when we traveled in a civilized fashion across the globe and never had to deal with jet lag or being crammed into dirty buses in the sky, breathing recirculated air that’s been in at least ten other people’s lungs.

And yes, I do know what steerage is. Destitute travelers are stuffed into the hold, cheek by jowl, and they endure from port to port. But if you, dear traveler, had any money at all, you could move up a notch from steerage. You could pay for a bunk you didn’t have to share. After that, the sky’s the limit. It’s obvious from the accommodations we see on screen that the bank paid for Poirot and Hastings to travel first class. What a fabulous ship.

The question I had throughout the episode was why was Poirot worried about mal de mer? He sailed aboard the Motor Yacht Madiz, a wonderful 1902 small yacht, in Problem at Sea. He made a port of call in Rhodes during the cruise. He was fine! I understand that the Mediterranean is a calm, warm bathtub compared to the North Atlantic but the Queen Mary has a huge draft compared to Madiz. She’s over 1,000 feet long, compared to Madiz’s 187 feet. Madiz would be rocking and rolling in swells the Queen Mary wouldn’t notice. So why did Poirot feel he needed to bring an apothecary shop of seasickness meds along with him when it’s never been mentioned before?

Perhaps it was the thought of braving the North Atlantic that did him in.

Although once aboard, Poirot was fine. Hastings was the sufferer, so much that he couldn’t pay proper attention to the hot blonde traveling in the cabin next to them and Ridgeway.

Right. Ridgeway. Hot blondes. The reason why Poirot and Hastings got to cruise onboard the Queen Mary in the first place.

Our episode opens with bankers heading to work on a rainy day. Mr. Shaw, an important banker, is nearly run over by a sporty red car driven by a maniac.

He’s shaken but still ready to sail across the Atlantic on the Queen Mary to hand-deliver bearer bonds to a bank in New York City. Except he’s served poisoned tea by the tea lady so he can’t. Instead, the next person in line, Philip Ridgeway, is tapped to sail the high seas with a million dollars in bearer bonds.

This is obviously a position of responsibility, not one handed over lightly. Bearer bonds (called Liberty bonds in the show) are just like cash. The temptation to walk away from the pier with a suitcase full of money and quietly disappear must be immense.

The one change to the story that I disapproved of was dropping the mention that Philip Ridgeway was Mr. Vavasour’s nephew. It should have been kept, since Ridgeway has a gambling problem. Do you want your bank — holding millions in cash, bearer bonds, jewelry in safety deposit boxes, and what have you — to hire problem gamblers? I wouldn’t. But knowing that Ridgeway is related to an important bank executive goes a long way to understanding why he’s still employed. It makes more sense than keeping him on because he’s Mr. Vavasour’s personal secretary’s sweetie. It also gives a reason (besides incompetence) for the bank’s own head of security, Mr. McNeil, to tolerate Ridgeway.

The bank hires Poirot to ensure the bonds make it to New York but their worry is that Mr. Shaw had two attempts on his life, not that his substitute is a gambler with hoods tailing him to grab their money. It’s obvious that something is up; a bad situation when anonymity is what’s keeping those bearer bonds safe. Esmée, the personal secretary, also wants the bonds to arrive safely in New York. She knows about Philip’s gambling habit but when she begs Poirot for help, she’s too dainty to admit why she’s really worried. She’s afraid that if anything happens, Philip will be hung out to dry.

Poirot and Hastings set sail with Ridgeway and alas, when they arrive in New York, the portmanteau has been attacked, then unlocked. The bonds are nowhere to be seen.

Ridgeway claims innocence. He doesn’t admit that he was ignoring his duties in favor of illicit card games where he continues to lose money. He doesn’t, in fact, ever admit he has a gambling problem and shouldn’t be handling his own money or anyone else’s. Nor should he be marrying cute Esmée who obviously adores him. She deserves better. She’ll be supporting them both on her salary because he’ll lose his at the track or at those illicit Chinese casinos in Limehouse we saw in The Lost Mine.

Since the bonds are gone, there’s no reason to remain in New York. Poirot, Hastings, and Ridgeway return to England on the next available ship. Muse over that! Plenty of passenger liners crossed the Atlantic on a daily basis so they could just buy a ticket and set sail right away. Anyway, they arrive in South Hampton where Esmée is waiting for them and so is someone else. Poirot hands Ridgeway over to the waiting bobbies. At the same time, Mr. Vavasour is arrested because his key to the portmanteau of bonds is missing. They share side-by-side cells in jail. We’ve seen this jail before, in The Veiled Lady.

Poirot, naturally, has already worked out how the bonds mysteriously disappeared from Ridgeway’s stateroom. Granted, Ridgeway made it easier for the criminal by wasting his time playing cards instead of babysitting his luggage. We don’t get an explanation from Poirot about why the criminal hacked at the case, trying to open it, then gave up and simply unlocked it. Unless it was to throw further suspicion on Ridgeway. Not that any added suspicion was necessary.

Then, in true Agatha tradition, the real culprits are revealed. It’s misdirection all the way, including faked illnesses, disguises, and choosing the most likely suspect to be the scapegoat. Hastings is flummoxed but not by the true mastermind. No, it’s the mastermind’s main henchperson that has Hastings so troubled. Poirot soothes him with the deeper understanding that he’s at the beginning of wisdom. Sadly, not everyone receives the beginning of wisdom. I don’t believe Ridgeway did. He tells Poirot, Esmée beaming at his side, that he’s paid off his debts. Which he has. For now. But I don’t buy it. It won’t be smooth sailing for the future Mrs. Ridgeway.

It is smooth sailing for you, dear reader. You’ll love this episode and sleep afterwards dreaming of sailing on the Queen Mary, rocked to sleep by the Atlantic Ocean.