Book Review: The Natural History of the Rich by Richard Conniff

The Natural History of the Rich: A Field Guide by Richard Conniff

If you’ve ever wondered about the habits and mores of the rich, look no further than “The Natural History of the Rich: A Field Guide” by Richard Conniff. This is a gossipy, amusing investigation by a long-time science writer who specializes in human and animal behavior.

And boy, oh boy, is it gossipy. Sadly, Mr. Conniff frequently doesn’t reveal the names because of embarrassment to the gossipers or, more likely, the threat of lawsuits. There are amazing stories about the denizens of Palm Beach, the luxury retreats in Aspen, the Hamptons; all those places that mere mortals like me only go to in order to scrub the toilets.

And this would be after I signed a non-disclosure contract prior to donning my rubber gloves and picking up my scrubby because God forbid I should reveal my employer’s total lack of personal hygiene. Or the array of pharmaceuticals in the bathroom or the ahem, astounding array of personal toys in the bedrooms all of which need to be washed. If you doubt me, there are now loads of this kind of photograph online courtesy of Jeffrey Epstein’s death. He can’t sue anymore, making him fair game.

As a named name, here’s a sample anecdote from page 69. Alva Vanderbilt in 1899 owned a “cottage” in Newport, RI. She sponsored the first car race in North America on the lawn. The race was ‘an obstacle course of dummy policemen, nursemaids, and babies in carriages. Biographer Barbara Goldsmith writes that “the driver who killed the fewest innocent bystanders won the race.” DeathRace 1899, folks!

A relative of Alva, Consuelo Vanderbilt, wrote a memoir of her life among the moneyed and titled elite (she was an American heiress married off to the Duke of Marlborough who didn’t like her but he sure loved her multi-million-dollar dowry). She didn’t worry about being sued so her memoirs are apparently quite the read. Our intrepid author quotes her frequently.

The book comes with a marvelous index, so if you’re looking for a specific name, you can go right to Seward L. Johnson numerous pages or the multiple pages devoted to the Getty family or to the Gates family. Make sure you don’t skip the index, or the footnotes either (Wilt Chamberlain among other tidbits). There’s also plenty of anecdotes devoted to Viktor Kozeny who knew rich idiots when he saw them and stole plenty of money from them.

Why did Viktor Kozeny go after the wealthy elite? It wasn’t just because that’s where the money was. It turns out that hitting the financial lottery (by luck or hard work or choosing your parents wisely) does not confer intelligence or common sense. Who could have guessed?

What comes through loud and clear is that Scrooge McDuck piles of money does change behavior. The lucky recipient starts to wholeheartedly believe that they are better than the rest of us. That they are superior in every possible way because, well, they must be! Why else would a beneficent providence grant so much money to the Rockefeller clan? Because they deserved it and you didn’t.

I devoured this book, reading large chunks of it aloud over breakfast to my own dear, longsuffering husband. The parallels between monkeys and rich people, warblers and rich people, insects and rich people were all fabulous and funny.

If you’re looking for an amusing read to better explain our elites and their behavior, this is a very good start. If you write about rich people, you’ll get some terrific inspirations from page after page of hijinks and oh-my-God-can-you-believe-this stories. Since the anecdotes are heavily footnoted, you can track them down yourself via the extensive and detailed bibliography. The bibliography – if you omit the biology textbooks – provides even more sources for bad behavior among the wealthy.

What a great read this was. I highly recommend The Natural History of the Rich: A Field Guide.

If you’d like to see what else Richard Conniff does in his spare time, he’s got a website.